2016 has been an amazing year for film. These last few months alone have produced numerous gems, vying for awards consideration. However, 2016 is not impervious to the same monotonous nonsense that has plagued every other year since the medium of film was created. The good news is that Bro Knows has made it our mission to see all the crap this year had to offer so that we could create a list that would serve as a guide to the average film goer of what to avoid like the plague. This is our second year end list, following up our Best of The Fest in 2016, and what better way to proceed–than to give you a list of all the raging dumpster fires we had the great displeasure of subjecting ourselves to, this past year. This list is comprised of both the worst and the most disappointing films of 2016, meaning that some of these entries may not have been the most awful movies, but they had the greatest divide from expectation to result. So without further adieu, here is the official Bro Knows: Top 20 Worst/Most Disappointing Films of 2016.
Low budget horror movie masters, Blum House, have cornered a very profitable market. Producing a slew of films, they don’t always adhere to the adage “quality not quantity” as more than a few could have made some worst of lists. Incarnate is the apex of Blum House’s awful horror films. This is just a truly absurd film with a decent premise, and terrible execution. The performances are laughable, the pacing is all over the place, and the climax is really really stupid. Worst of all, this cheesy horror film had the nerve to end on a cliff hanger, which is pretty ballsy, considering that if a sequel were made, no one would go see it!
Everybody seems to love these Dan Brown books so much, but the film adaptations have been less than stellar. Then there is Inferno, which slides from “less than stellar” to absolutely agonizing. This is one of the most painstakingly boring films in 2016, and Tom Hanks spends the entire film just making these strange astonished expressions. The plot twist is less of a twist and more of a device that catches no one by surprise. Maybe the book is awesome, or maybe it’s every bit as awful as this flaming bag of dog excrement, either way, avoid this movie like the plague that becomes the crux of this convoluted crapshoot.
Understanding that for some actors, the name of the game is to get paid, but what the hell Kevin Costner? This guy just keeps churning out one piece of garbage after the next, these past few years, and Criminal seems to be the climax. The confusing part is how they were able to get Tommy Lee Jones and Gary Oldman in this thing. This is the most convoluted yet completely uninteresting plot that becomes a lifeless and boring film that borders on silly. This is like if the Crank films tried to take themselves seriously.
17) Max Steel
Sometimes there a movies made where there is simply no fathomable rhyme or reason to their existence. Max Steel would be much much higher on this list if anybody cared that it was made. This is a movie so impossibly and unapologetically boring, it’s a modern miracle this concept received funding. For a movie based on a children’s toy, you would think there would at least be an ounce of fun to be had, but Max Steel is all about setting precedents, even if they are negative ones. The challenge is to find anyone that can muster up any enthusiasm for this limp noodle of an “action” film.
16) The Forest
Brought to you by way of January horror films, January: the monday of months. If you find yourself in a theater in January unsure of what to watch, don’t go to a horror movie! The Forest has an amazing backdrop and squanders it in an effort to centralize two really awful performances. The hand me down scares are extremely ineffective. The pacing is a mystery and the performances are just plain bad. With the tagline “don’t go into the Forest” even the marketing team is warning you not to watch this hopeless horror film.
15) Dirty Grandpa
Sad is the day when you watch an icon reduced to masturbation jokes. Literally, you or forced to watch Robert De Niro masturbating and then repeatedly sticking his thumb up Zac Efron’s butt. Dirty Grandpa is a desperate attempt at hardcore gross out humor and just comes off as desolate. Efron needs to find new representation because these raunchy frat boy comedies are just awful. Dirty Grandpa is just an unfunny and ultimately depressing film that levels Deniro’s legacy.
14) Girl on the Train
This is one of the disappointing films. After 2015’s Gone Girl, there was some hope that this would live up, since the novels for each were held in such high regard. Instead we get a bloated overdramatic snoozer that becomes whiney and cliched. Half way through this movie you will be begging for there to be a different girl on a different train because Emily Blunt just doesn’t deliver here. This is an admirable attempt at an exploitative thriller, but it plods along, dragging it’s feet for almost the entire run time.
13) Divergent: Allegiant
Another film that, if anyone had any real expectation for it, would have been much higher on this list. By this point in the Divergent series, they have decided that continuity and coherence are the enemy. The self indulgent and downright arrogant attitude of the studio, that continues to put out these awful franchise entries with declining grace is insulting. This movie is poorly acted, terribly constructed, and needs to be buried along with the rest of the Divergent franchise films. Please make it stop.
12) Gods of Egypt
Oh Gerard Butler, you poor helpless son of a gun. As far as bad films go, this could enter the pantheon of all timers. It sits at number 12 here because we can’t think of anyone who believed this would be any good, and it actually hits the “so bad it’s funny” category. The CGI is headache inducing, the performances are accidentally hilarious and the story is one big muddled mess. This movie is epic in it’s apathy towards its production. The director literally just threw his cast on a green screen and said “screw it, we’ll fix it in post.”
11) Billy Lynn’s Long Halftime Walk
Fans of Ang Lee and his last entry Life of Pi, will be severely disappointed in his latest venture. Lee spends so much time wrapped up in innovative filming gimmicks that he ignores the heart of his story. The performances are all shaky at best and most of the general movie going public don’t live within 100 miles of a theater that showed this movie as it was meant to be seen. The frame rate was a facade meant to mask the ineptitude of the narrative, but fails because only a small percentage even got the chance to experience it. The expectation were high for this, and the results were agonizingly upsetting.
Finally! The remake to the cinematic masterpiece that literally no one was asking for. This movie feels like a student film version of the golden age epic that fills gaps with gaudy CGI stunts in lieu of true character development. Jack Huston needs to stop being so desperate to crack into film by picking roles he thinks will gain him notoriety and just focus on being a good actor first. This is a dull and dim witted would be epic that fails at being epically emotional, but succeeds at being epically bad. Glass half full: Morgan Freeman is in dreadlocks and is just playing himself in this movie.
9) The 5th Wave
Someone needs to put an end to these god awful teen dramas based off of poorly written novel series. The 5th Wave is the most uninspired entry into this over the hill genre to date. This film is basically one giant cliche, made up of lots of smaller cliches and strung together by a glossy, overly CGI’d, wet blanket of a narrative that panders to an audience that doesn’t care. Even worse, we have another cliffhanger and as such, these people really believe that people will grant them a second sitting after rolling out this garbage.
8) Suicide Squad
Is Suicide Squad one of the worst 20 movies of 2016? Probably not, but the fact remains that this was Bro Knows most anticipated film of the year, and it was a monumental letdown. This movie is a giant mess that provides uninspired characters that seem to have no rhyme or reason to be here. The story is so insanely underwhelming, and the villain makes Marvel’s antagonists look like Darth Vader. The performances and some of the main characters inspire confidence for the greater cinematic universe, but the film just never comes together. Even the extended blu ray addition did nothing to save this from mediocrity.
7) Norm of The North
Rob Schneider is an annoying polar bear! Animated films will usually have some sort of appeal. Toddlers can pretty much get behind anything if it’s cute, loud, annoying, or even remotely entertaining. Norm of The North is one of the least entertaining animated films in the history of animated films. Who wrote this derivative garbage and really thought it was a homerun? This is completely devoid of any charm and has almost no appeal to children or their poor parents.
6) TMNT 2: Out of the Shadows
Why are these a thing? Destroying the childhood of so many in their mid 20’s, the sequel to the mildly entertaining Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is abrasive at best. The humor is a wash and the only positive is that it was clear that no one was taking this seriously. The plot is a lifeless convoluted torture test that rolled out a who’s who of classic baddies. Why do we need 5 villains in a movie about mutant turtles that love Pizza Hut?
5) Alice Through The Looking Glass
This is one unapologetically boring and almost cynical tale. The actors all checked out, delivering some of the most uninspired pperformances you’ll likely see from an ensemble. Still trying to figure out why Sasha Baron Cohen was doing an impression of Arnold Schwarzenegger doing an impression of Werner Herzog. There is simply no excuse for something this dull, when you have some of the most imaginative and wonderful source material the literary world has to offer.
4) Assassins Creed
Video Game movies have been and have now continued to be a complete crapshoot. Warcraft delivered an impossibly inside baseball story that only appealed to the most niche audiences and now Assassin’s Creed has delivered one of the most impossibly confusing stories that appeals to no one. The commercialization of the intrepid violence is overwhelmingly cheesy and the rest of the film just focuses on a plot that neither makes sense or carries any real emotional equivalency to anything real. This is not the film that saves the video game genre and instead is another step backwards.
3) Zoolander 2
Screw you Ben Stiller. This was a sequel no one needed or wanted and all it did was destroy the character that so many fell in love with. The originals self awareness and internal potency was enlightening, where the sequel becomes mean spirited. The jokes all fall flat, the characters are all shells of themselves and the story isn’t remotely entertaining or funny. This movie is so bad it hurts. It’s really really really really ridiculously bad.
2) Brothers Grimsby
This is the least funny satire of all time. That is not hyperbole. This movie is completely dependant on overblown and unfunny theatrics that are meant to produce bountiful laughter but instead are cringe inducing and overtly idiotic ploys at humor. Cohen is at his worst and Mark Strong is surrenders his dignity the moment he pulls his testicles out as a cheap and desperate stunt for snickers. Do not see this movie, it is uncomfortably bad.
1) Independence Day: Resurgence
This is a cataclysmic fiasco parading as nostalgic filmmaking, hoping that audiences won’t be smart enough to realize just how truly and completely awful this shell of a film is. This is what is wrong with modern Hollywood, and will likely serve as the demise of the summer blockbuster. The studio ups the ticket prices, while lowering the standards and delivers a derivative, poorly constructed joke of a movie, that will actually have you questioning your love of the original, which is the worst of it’s many pitfalls. Screw you Roland Emmerich! Screw you and the studio for feeling the need to cash in on the childhoods of millions and absolutely ruin blockbusters in the process. Real dick move guys, real dick move.
That concludes our list of the worst films of 2016. You are all very welcome for not only seeing these tragedies, but for making sure a list is available to ensure that you never have to, even by accident. If you did happen to see any of the films on this list let us know what you thought. Also, if there is anything you saw this year that you believe belongs here, hit us up in the comments. Here is hoping that 2017 brings us fewer of these stink piles and more of films like the ones on our Best of 2016 list, which is set to drop later today!